By: Gabriel Malseptic and Onyema Nwanaji
There’s nothing quite as exciting as heading to college for the first time or returning for another semester–you’re bound to meet lots of new people, crash parties, and perhaps find someone who you’d like to get to know a bit better.
So, today, we’re going to cover one simple tip to have more satisfying relationships–from steamy Friday night hookups to committed partnerships.
If you’re looking for a roadmap to the G-spot–this is not the post for you–though you could probably find an article in every COSMO since the beginning of time.
No, today I want to talk about how to really turn up the heat on your sexlife. Consent. It isn’t just an idea for picketing on campus–it’s a great way to have a more satisfying lovelife.
So, what is consent? To understand it, we’ve gotta understand where it’s lacking. I used to think of sexual assault as the rare incident that occurred in dark alleyways and frat-house closets. But here’s how it really looks:
Data Source: White House Task Force to Protect Students From Sexual Assault
Inexcusable! And perhaps the most disturbing thing of all?
Data Source: Department of Justice
But, how does consent make my relationships better?
Consent makes all relationships better by getting you and your partner on the same page. For example, imagine two types of roads–one is a simple stretch of asphalt–the other has lines marking speedbumps and lanes. The former may seem simpler, but none of the drivers are sure of how the others will behave, leading to a nerve-wracking drive. In contrast, the marked road tells drivers exactly what’s expected of them, enabling them to relax and enjoy the ride.
The same goes with consent, when partners communicate clearly about what they want in an intimate exchange and trust their partner, they can relax and enjoy the ride (whatever that may look like).
So how do you get consent?–It’s as simple as asking:
Can I kiss you…? Is this ok…? Are you comfortable with…? Do you want to have sex…? What would you like me to do…?
Getting consent is kind of hot, right? And just because you’ve had sex with someone before doesn’t imply they want to again–have this sexy consent-obtaining conversation everytime.
Do the right thing and you’ll find yourself in more truly satisfying situations!
Have any tips on great ways to ask for consent? Let us know in “Leave a Reply” up top!